The mini-experiment we are conducting within that larger one is - can we live without Marcie?
The first day of Marcie's vacation, Jenna arrived and cared for Mother in the AM. Charlie spelled her in the PM. Both grandchildren (Charlie is a grandchild-in-law, I guess) know Mother very well. She got lots of attention.
As I reported, the next day Mother woke up with one thought on her mind - where is Marcie? We had arranged that Margaret come in that afternoon, 1:00 - 5:00, so that day didn't feel different from the ordinary.
Yesterday, Wednesday, is the day I am most busy with my job. Dennis took responsibility for caring for Mother the full day, and it went off without a hitch. But examining the exact contents of the day may be revealing, when it comes to understanding what makes a day with Mother- and no caregivers - work.
The biggest pressure on caregivers, both professionals and family members, is the stress and tedium of constant exposure to the workings of a disabled mind. The non-Alzheimers brain, the one you and I possess, reacts with alarm to the cognitive misperceptions and communication roadblocks which are part of everyday life with someone with Alzheimers. It makes perfect sense to avoid this stress, and most people do.
The consequence of this social avoidance is that the person suffering Alzheimers, who is already socially disabled and severely limited in their ability to make contact, is given even fewer opportunities to connect with the larger family of human beings. Someone who needs more gets less.
Our theory, here at the Fremont Street Center for Healthy Aging, is that placing a person with Alzheimers in the middle of a functioning family is one way to effortlessly ( or relatively effortlessly) increase the number of hours they receive social contact.
On days when Dennis and I are away at work, and when Jenna and the kids do not visit, the house is pretty still, so Marcie and Margaret take Mother on outings so she can have the contact with other people.
Yesterday the day went really well for us, without a professional caregiver here to provide respite, but let's look at just what happened during that day.
While I was gone in the morning, the Kaiser nurse arrived to do a blood draw. This week the City of Portland is tearing up Fremont Street right outside the house, so there has been activity and crews bustling about right outside the window. Damage to the cable lines meant a Comcast technician spent the morning going in and out of the house checking to see if he had re-installed the cable line correctly. Plus Dyana was here doing her monthly cleaning. So Mother had three visitors, and the house was full of activity.
When I got back in the afternoon, Dennis, Mother and I went over to Perry's, across the street, to celebrate Dennis' 55th birthday. We were the only people there. Mother had a root beer float and some Thai chicken. It was Happy Hour, and we were very happy.
Mother raised her glass to Dennis.
We returned home in time for dinner. Jenna brought her kids over and we sat around the dinner table eating hamburger casserole, and vegetables from the garden. Dennis and Jenna swapped stories about walking to school, and Jenna told the story of when she first met Dennis.
Sam, Joy, & Bart practiced climbing the rope which hangs in Mother's bedroom doorway. Joy helped me water the garden. Dennis explained baseball scoring to Sam while they watched TV. Bart divested himself of his pants, proving his genetic connection to Tom Richardson, who did the same thing at his age.
Mother went to bed at 8:00 on the dot. I don't think she had a boring/bored minute throughout the whole day.
Now the point of this story is this: that much hustle and bustle is what is takes to replace Marcie in our lives.
Mother has a great day with she gets visits from:
1. A Kaiser nurse
2. A Comcast technician
3. Dyana, our home environment specialist
4. City of Portland road crews outside the house
5. a root beer float at Perry's
6. One grand-daughter and three great grandchildren
On a day when Mother has this much flotsam and jetsam of human existence flowing in and out of her life, she doesn't need the attention of a highly skilled caregiver. But notice the convergence of unusual factors. Because we can't expect the road to be torn up everyday, or the birthday of a family member (a blood draw, a downed TV cable) to happen everyday, we have Marcie and Margaret to help Mother make it through the barren desert that is her social life.
Because Margaret and Marcie do such a great job at keeping Mother supplied with opportunities to be social, Mother was not frightened by the pounding of the road crews, perturbed by the technician rooting around her living room, uncomfortable sitting in a booth at Perry's or unnerved by the presence of three young children, all talking at once, at her dinner table.
Because it is Marcie's vacation, we are renaming this part of the summer Marcie Sims Appreciation Days. (When Margaret's vacation arrives in late August we will do the same for her.)
This post is a tribute to Marcie, who is on vacation, taking time off from a job well done!
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