From The Oregonian, Part 2

"We want people to have a sense of belonging." said Bill Reed, who developed Elite Care with his wife and business partner, Lydia Lundberg. "We want them to have influence over their surroundings, and we want them to have purpose." Elite Care does that through what it calls relationship-based care.

So this is the puzzle. Everyone would agree with the stated goals of the people who have founded Elite Care in Tigard, Oregon. How do you give elderly people sequestered in a nursing home a sense of belonging? How can a nursing home feel more homey? Recognizing that the kitchen is the heart of a home, they designed theirs without doors so it is open to residents at all times. They eliminated long, impersonal hallways, and they increased the caregiver-resident ratio. 

This sounds great, and I am sure it is great. But reading this article as a caregiver made me realize ----- 

I am starting to feel that most of the caregiving for elderly people is actually directed to the adult children who are making decisions about them.  It is not the mind and body of the old person which is being studied and maintained. It is the trust and cooperation of the adult child which is being massaged and nurtured.  Everyone wants the same thing for their parents. It is like selling beer. How do you sell beer? How do you set your "tastes great" beverage apart from all the others? 

The marketing hand tries to be quicker than the eye. 

I am not being critical of Elite Care when I point out that "relationship based care" is what virtually all human beings receive. All people being cared for are in relationship, and even people not being cared for are in (very bad) relationships.